this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items that don't warrant a page by themselves or seem to fit better here



chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page



layout is done with the internet explorer text size setting at  largest  and with a zoom of 125%, though i don't have an opinion on any correct size per se



links are in the  times new roman  font  

















quote  below by chino kobun



the nature of this life is that it is flawed, it is modest, it is often unsatisfactory. and, also, this life is of enormous value



wow, some  zen  that makes sense !





it's not all fake,  sawaki  -   kobun, sort of a lineage



what


i


like


about


kobun


is


he


died


drowning


with


his


daughter


you


have


to


be


reasonably


in


the


area

to


die


like


that !




right in front of the patio where the funeral ceremony was held, one saw the pool in which maya and kobun had drowned.


it is not a large pool, perhaps 10 yards by 20, and about 2 yards deep it is artificial, with fairly steeply sloping sides and a border of golf-ball-size rocks.


there is a wooden deck on one side, and some reeds growing among the rocks.


no one looking at it could really understand what happened. ”



from



he may have been a poor swimmer/diver, or not able to swim and his daughter at the bottom of the pool by the stage he attempted rescue and tho summer, it was quite a high altitude and the water cold and with steep sides and the wooden deck difficult to get onto if the swimmer/non-swimmer was exhausted and cold !
















yasutani was a fake


and


echo


sawaki


was


the


real


thing !
















“ Going to grad school is a vacation to a psychedelic tool shed. I go in for a trip. Grab a cool shovel or rake. Learn theoretical use for said implement, maybe work in the hippie garden under the tutelage of the freak that lives in the shed. Then return to the real world and wield that tool meaningfully. ”


i actually think this is sick


there is no academic world separate from the real world and what's the point of an interest in zen if you don't realise the whole world is crazy and pointless including zen !


and in point of fact researching on the web is way more useful than a grad course now.


this is the fundamental point, self researching on the web leaves formal education in the dust !


nurses seem to get affected by the constant viral and general infectious exposure they have and it affects their health and mental health in my observation
















the


dead


don't


speak !
















the


dead


can


appear


visually


but


they


can


never


say


anything !
















talk


in


the


end


what


does


it

matter ?
















you


can


be


schizophrenic


but


provided


the


stories


are


rational


you


are


not


functionally


schizophrenic !
















truth


is


robust


and


will


withstand


any


type


of


questioning !
















infinity


in


life


it's


hard


to

bear !
















heroin/opium speaks to the brain which hasn't changed since the chinese opium experience


of course you americans don't eat sanely and cripple your children with too many, badly designed and wrongly timed vaccines ! the need for mood relief is only going to grow !
















this


is


what


infinity


is


in


life


just


one


step


after


another


you


can


of


course


change


direction


or


at


least


follow


a


pre-


ordained


path !
















the


american


arts


system


if


you've


got


the


money


they


will

take


it


any


idiot


can


get

a


phd


if


you


haven't


got


the


money


you


get


locked


into


a


self


perpetuating


slave


labour



system !
















the problem with legalizing heroin is there is already an historical example, that of opium in china, it doesn't work, a substantial portion of the population ends up addicted !



it's interesting to


speculate


the


effect


this


period


had


on


china's


subsequent and disasterous 20th century political history !
















if


you


can't


go


backwards


you


have


to


go


forwards


there


is


no


staying



in


the


middle !
















dogen


is


a


twit !
















there's


something


really


weird


living


beyond


your


internally


clocked


“ die


by ”


date
















the


thing


is


to


keep


busy


doing


things


if


you


think


too


much


it's


hell !
















see


elizabeth


bishop


is


real


zen


is


PRETEND !
















brad,  you claim to not read the  comments  but they are telling you several things


1. zen is passι


2.the publishing world has changed, there's no money in books or music


3. that is you are really amongst equals here, specialists in failure !


4. you are volunteering your time and subsidising cretins like us, keep up the good work !
















brad, if you are thinking of doing grad school english, my experience is that they teach you to to read, like and write bad literature , it's that bad. even worse (if possible) is philosophy !


elizabeths bishop's  poem  “one art”


zen is immature compared to this !

















art


lasts


religion


doesn't !
















no


wonder


the


dung


beetle


flies !


when


you


have


seen


it's


painstaking


progress


along


the


ground !
















brad


i


think


you


are


an


artist


and


you


are


trying


to


cross


over


into


religion


and


it


doesn't


work !
















the


religious


space


is


more


articulated


or


“ jointed ”


than


the


artistic


space


so


is


not


actually


artistic


space
















as


humans


we


are


basically


mad !
















i


am


better


than


dogen !


:


o


)
















they


are


all


ok


until


they


are


not


ok !
















enemies


friends


family


what


a


holy


mixture !


:


o


)
















it's


better


to


let


your


enemies


screw


themselves


rather


than


try


to


screw


them


yourself


:


o


)


usually


it


pretty


much


happens


they


do !
















the


melancholy


of

a



deciduous


tree


amidst


the


evergreens !
















 strategy  in the male - female war lol ?  yes men need to be made aware of their feelings and what they value !
















a


resentment


of


existing !
















i


don't


mind


being


dead


it's


just


the


getting


there


that's

a


pain !
















i


suppose


charles


bukowski


is


a


bit


of


a


watts


tower !
















coping


with


infidelity


is


a


bit


much !
















this


review


writer


suffers


suburban


angst !
















interesting how the theory usually shows clearly in reality !
















humans


are


like


chimpanzees


and


aggressive


and


somewhat


nasty


species !
















one


of


the


problem's


with


being


able


is


you


can


end


up


working


for


everyone


else


and


not


for


yourself !
















you


are


old


when


osma


bin


laden


is



a


year


younger


than


you !
















medicine


is


all


about


cash


flow


and


pain


:


o


)
















what


is


it


about


governors


and


the


governed ?


compulsion


by


the


governors !


it's


a


power


not


a


competence


relationship !
















the fundamental


abnormality


of


life


it's


fundamentally


abnormal


don't


just


scratch


the


surface


CLAW


 it !
















there's


lots


about


ourselves


we


can't


see


the


personality


can't


see


the


entire


self !
















though


we


are


not


conscious


of


it


all


our


actions


are


to


continue


ourselves
















parenting


is


an


unending


open


ended


activity !
















sexual


reproduction


wins


out


over


asexual


because


the


offspring


are


fitter !
















self


stupid


is


the


term !
















they


are


all


busy


with


their


lives


kids


the


endless


circles


of


adulthood !
















a


few


inches


are


a


few


inches !
















i


am


weary


:


o


(
















because


it's


all


it's


also


particular !
















if


you


are


going


to


win

a


lot


of


victories


should


be


easy


or


at


least


not


too


hard


or


you


will


be


defeated


by


the


effort  !
















buddhism


is


just


as


false


as


any


other


religion
















infinity


because


it


is


without


limit


also


has

a


limit


which


is


why


we


can


see


it


of


course !
















in


the


end


i


have


to

bail  !
















you


can't


and


don't


have


to


compete
















sylvia


plath's


the


fixed


stars


how


true !
















we


all


have


our


different


anguishes !
















infinity


does


kill

doesn't


it  ?
















the


writing


of


these


poems


and


homilies


is


quantum


that


is


you


have


to


trust


to


infinity


to


deliver


them


and

a


worthwhile


though


often


opaque


sense  !
















at


ease


amongst


the


falling


osmanthus


flowers


the


bright


moonlight


startles


the


birds


in


the


ravine


to


singing


it


is


spring !




sorta a translation of wang wei's  poem
















there's


no


right


or


wrong


in


war !



just


winners


and


losers


or


more


commonly


losers


and


losers !
















reality


spans


both


the


imaginary


and


the


real !
















half


the


struggle


with


life


is


just


getting


the


mower


started !
















religion


is


mental


filth


i


include


atheism


in


that !
















hubris is in itself convincing


that


doesn't


make


it


  true !
















buddha


is


a


fiction


there


is


no


historical


buddha !
















actually buddhists today seem to "invest" in lame ideas, there was a heap more sense in the  old ways  which sounds like a commercial bank basically
















a


mistake


makes


you


do


something


you


otherwise


wouldn't


have !


take


advantage


of


that !
















hurst


i


think


his


buyers


are



a


certain


group


who


have


to


show


they


have


the


money


to


spend !


why


would


hurst


be


worth


more


than


banksy ?
















it


doesn't


hurt


to


starve


a


bit


as


you


get


older !
















pretty


well


everything


is


irrelevant


as


you


get


older


except


the


decline


in


health
















the


trouble


with


apocalyptic


thinking


is


it


is


inherently


suicidal !
















humans


are


a


herd


animal


they


are


actually


very


wary


of


going

to


where


the


herd


isn't
















it


would


make


me


ill


to


be


called


a


teacher !
















it's


obvious


that


nuclear


power


stations


make


extremely


effective


dirty


bombs


if


they


are


disrupted


in


certain


ways !
















you


are


talking


apocalypse


but


look


at


the


comfy


suburban


lives


you


live !
















i


am



schizophrenic


i


really


am


i


just


don't


function


as

a


schizophrenic


but


to


do


this


always


requires

a


crucifying


going


beyond


boundaries


which


most

don't


do


so


they


remain


locked


in

a


web


of


lies !
















i


would


ask


those


with


relatives


with


schizophrenia


or


are


actually


schizophrenic


(


i


include


myself


in


this


category ! )


not


to


be


offended


i


use


schizophrenia


as


a paradigm


for


the


normal


human


condition !
















the




price




of




schizophrenia




is




to




be




wrong!




your




choice !
















life


is


fraught !
















young


women


they


are


all

the


same


the


hormones


are


so


thick


they


make


treacle


look


fluid !
















jehovah's


witnesses


look


at


you


comfortable


silly


suburban


lives


armageddon


indeed !
















i


have


nothing


to


say


to


you


i


certainly


don't


speak


in


terms


of


any



sort


of


remedy


which


you


would


be


far


from


accepting


the


need


for


anyway !
















ecclesiastes


wisdom


is


not


acquired


but


given


or


trickles


through


like


light


through


slats


from


the


SUN
















a


certain


sort


of


emptiness


descends


the


futility


of


all


endeavor !
















sex


and


suicide


go


together
















yeah suck you dry if they can


more and more i am convinced it's a basic human strategy


just take from whatever gives



except


parents


from


their


children !
















everybody


who


reads


this


is


only


a


step


away


from


schizophrenia


the


way


to


avoid


this


is


test


your


views


and


hypotheses


in


the


real


AND


imaginary


worlds


neither


is


sufficient


by


itself !
















an


association


between


glaucoma


and


alzheimer's


is


not


wrong


i


think !
















fiteyes


smells


of


rotting


flesh !
















the trouble with women is they get over glamorized with poor explanations !
















the


trouble


with


women


is


they


get


over -


glamorized


with


poor


explanations !
















it


takes


me


so


long


to


“ get ”


anything


i


have


to


go


around


and


around


in


circles


until


i


“ get ”


it !
















enlightenment and holiness are fake !



that


is


the


notions


themselves


are


fake !
















understanding


that he didn't understand that


not


understanding


that he


understood


that !
















understanding that he didn't understand that


 not understanding that he understood that !
















those


114



year


old


men


are


thin


and


eat


2


meals


a


day !
















now


can


you


tell


religion


is


phoney ?


it


is


completely


absent


of


salient


observations


about


life


or


people
















the


patheticness


of


socialized


context


self


censoring


censored


only


piffle


is


acceptable


and


that's


all


that


seems


to


be


delivered


anyway
















you


would


think


with


what


menopause


does


to


the


female


brain


you


would


no


longer


have


to


fear


them


you

still


have


to


fear


them !
















it's


all


the


same


thing


she


is


crippled


by


not


eating


to


feed


her


brain !
















looking for meaning there is no meaning


not looking for meaning there is no meaning !


go fuck a duck advaita !
















in


a

lifetime


30


seconds


of


pearls


infilled


by


blather
















looking


for


meaning


there


is


no


meaning


not


looking


for

meaning


there


is


no


meaning !
















i


think


i


am


in


permanent


angst


about  aging !
















wittgenstein


is


VERY


overrated !


bit


of


a


twit


actually !
















the


royal


couple


they


are


really


just


dull


ordinary


people


perhaps


that's


the


attraction ?


breeding


bound


in


an


autistic


way ?
















“ you


are


a


fraud ”


yes


i


probably


am


yes


i


probably


am


not
















a


problem


with

modern


society


is


we


have


abrogated


responsiblity


for


our


health


to


doctors


and


government


bureaucracies


with


predictable


results !
















well


anybody


with


a


blog


is


a


writer


so


|


|


|


.


within


my


lifetime


i


have


seen


it


turn


from


a


term


with


meaning


to


become


without

meaning,


rather


like


photography
















infinity


is


one


step


after


another


going


on

forever



so



what ?



when


it


exists


at


once


that's


what !
















fame


too


many


assassins


in


the


world

now


and


i


don't


just


mean


the


press !
















on fame


that


small


portion


of


aggressive


homicidal


readers


they


don't


want


to


know


about


me


and


i


don't


want


to


know


about


them
















the


entire


art


market


is


a

con


you


just


have


to


look


at


dali


and


hurst


compared


to


blake


to


whom


dali


at


least


was


heavily


indebted !
















thomas


kinkade


there's


something


thematically


unintelligent


about


him


say


as


compared


to


damien


hurst !
















if


a


mistake


is


being


made


can


we


look


rationally


at


it?
















see


is


god

a


term


or


nonsense


term ?
















i


am


hopeless


with


money


not


consistently


hopeless


:


o


)
















women



tend



to



forget


the


bad


times



a


bit



easy
















i


don't


think


you


are


reluctant


to


live


it


just


reluctant


to


look


at


the


inconsistencies !
















fame


and


celebrity


i


think


people


are


reluctant


to


live

their


own


lives


unfamous


and


uncelebrated


:


o


)
















do


you


understand


what


life


is


about ?


i


don't


what


is


life


really


about


a


nonsense


term


perusing


a


nonsense


idea ?
















russell


brand


i


don't


actually


think


he's


charismatic


which


is


actually


quite

a


healthy


sign


well


a

bit


quite


gender

blurred


btw !


very


articulate !
















i


think


the


net


can


offer

a


different


sort


of


fame


you


are


known


but


not


as

a


person !
















regarding


criticisms


of


people


on


these


homilies


i


don't



bother


with


the


trash


or


only


very


very


occasionally


:


o


)
















russell


brand


famous


for


marrying


katy


perry


sad


but


true !


:


o


)
















just look at how things are without them needing to be a certain way !
















it's


too


limited


art


only


writing


has


that


mutative


capacity !
















sometimes


i


think


i


would


rather


be


blind

than


sighted
















my limited observation of usa doctors on the net is they are very fruity, jump on any bandwagon, idiots except financially !
















when


you

have


good


health


you


can


laugh


in


their


face


when


you


haven't


the


laugh


is


on


you !
















spring


and


winter


imbue


each


other


frighten


caress
















i


think


boarding


school


is


more


child


minding !
















formatting


these


poems


and


writings


can


look


like


play


in


a


way


but


it's


really


gruelling


work !


the


actual


writing


i


find


almost


like


play


and


enjoy


it


when


the


flow


of


words


is


in


moderation !
















what


is


special


about


vision?


why


is


hearing


not


the


same ?
















zen


is


doomed !


seated


mediation


stuffs


the


circulation !
















why


does


it


all


have


to


be


so


cryingly


difficult ?


i


look


across


the


generations


at


the


poets


and


the


like


and


it's


all


the


same


some


ease


in


the


flush


of


youth


then


it's


gone


and


the


premature


fading


sets


in
















psychosis


is


the


natural


human



condition !
















one


of


the


problems


of


poetry


is


ellipsis


that


is


there's


a

lot


of


detail


not


in


the


poem


that


we


need


to


understand


it


and


we


have


to


go


to


god


or


infinity


so


to


speak


to


pluck


the


fullness


of


the

meaning !
















across


generations


and


geography


and


culture


osip


mandelstham !
















i do think we both would have been dead now without the supps and compendium and in your case the pfo op and HRT


we are in that weird space of living after death and i think when we are younger our brains can form some idea of when we are likely to  cack it


things seem a bit empty and discommoded, but how else could they be?



this


space


is


highly


unusual


and


unstable


and


is


best


handled


this


way


empty


and


discommoded


lethe hasn't


come


yet!
















notre


dame


what

a


pile


of


filigree


crap


eons


wasted

a

s


usual


by


humans !


it


doesn't


mean


anything


and


it


goes


nowhere


and


it's


pointless


you


can


shove


it


osip


mandelstam !
















i


like

wine


and


could


have


been


an


alcoholic


except


i


get


migraine


and


knowing


what


bad

hangovers


are


like


i


don't


need


more


of



them


on


a



permanent


basis !
















it's


the


nature


of


males


to


kill


and


be


killed !
















the effects of the fukushima fall out



i'm not saying the effect is zero, just that compared to the natural backgound and other effects it's not significant in the usa or southern hemisphere !


i am understanding it's much more of an issue than i had previously thought, but the problem is in japan and not california or the usa


also the northern and southern hemisphere have separate weather circulations so really the impact is zero down here from a radiation point of view so i am limiting my concern


i still can't believe the japanese were so incompedent as not to tsumani proof their back up power generators , the failure of which has created the problems and all it would have taken is a few hundred grand and the cost will be trillions to them at least by now !


it's interesting that power stations can be more damaging than atomic bombs because of the sheer volume of radioactive material that can be dispersed, sorta a dirty bomb if you will and i guess this makes them very potent targets for terrorists or an enemy in war
















what is infinity ?


just


one


step


after


another


forever !
















i


think


chomsky


is


another


wrong


minded


twit


something


lacking


not


enough


attention


to


detail


and


over


prone


to


taking


the


word


of


others


who


agree


with


him

a

s


an


adequate


base


for


reasoning !